I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
