how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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