I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
