So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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