i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
