yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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