summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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