you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
