You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
love makes seman taste better
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
