apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize