just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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