Non-Jews are for practice
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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