Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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