Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
