He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
