I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Found your dick twin last night
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
