How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My vagina is officially offended.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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