i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
