I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
