I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
