oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
