A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
