i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize