i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
