HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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