forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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