He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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