All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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