She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize