drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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