She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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