Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
