I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
