I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
