My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
