was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
