Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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