i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
