I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
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He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
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he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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