blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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