Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
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My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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