he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize