I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
