New invention idea: vibrating tampons
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
