Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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