were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
