Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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