oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
