It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
