wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
