Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He has the fingertips of a God
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
