I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
