why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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