she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
