you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
