idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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