My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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