You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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