I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
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Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
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I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.