I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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