We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...