no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings