Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some... http://tfl.nu/wqbb
  Replies (18) Good night (5307) Bad night (944)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage. http://tfl.nu/q50p
  Replies (17) Good night (4378) Bad night (1957)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now. http://tfl.nu/ygdu
  Replies (12) Good night (1011) Bad night (3343)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters http://tfl.nu/51nh
  Replies (8) Good night (2942) Bad night (2166)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom http://tfl.nu/23l0
  Replies (10) Good night (5150) Bad night (862)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees. http://tfl.nu/sgqa
  Replies (8) Good night (1451) Bad night (3853)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious. http://tfl.nu/b9xl
  Replies (12) Good night (3765) Bad night (1210)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Those memories are both hazy and awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom? (401): Those memories are both hazy and awesome. http://tfl.nu/ars0
  Replies (6) Good night (1909) Bad night (559)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std? http://tfl.nu/jhp0
  Replies (17) Good night (1402) Bad night (3328)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance. http://tfl.nu/nlqh
  Replies (13) Good night (1450) Bad night (813)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day. http://tfl.nu/hsum
  Replies (4) Good night (1179) Bad night (540)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.." http://tfl.nu/em6p
  Replies (5) Good night (4625) Bad night (673)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Especially drunk mermaids.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck. (208): Especially drunk mermaids. http://tfl.nu/soai
  Replies (8) Good night (1195) Bad night (359)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!? http://tfl.nu/66pr
  Replies (1) Good night (484) Bad night (219)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower http://tfl.nu/znp7
  Replies (1) Good night (332) Bad night (258)

Randomize