Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
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I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.