He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left