i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
then he tried to convert me to islam
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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