so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
